What was the moment you started to question diet culture?
A few thoughts for International No Diet Day
This morning, while scrolling through Instagram, I came across this post from the Your Fat Friend Film account. The moment I started to question diet culture was in therapy. Who radicalized me? Aubrey Gordon.
Original Post from the @yrfatfriendfilm account
Almost exactly two years ago, Ringo (my dog) and I drove over to my parents house for the weekend. It was Mother’s day so Thomas stayed home to be with his mom. I had recently joined an online book club that was reading Aubrey Gordon’s book What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat. Worried that I would get behind on my reading, like I usually do, I decided to take advantage of the long drive alone to listen to Aubrey’s book. I did not know what I was in for.
The part the got me was in chapter 2. Aubrey talks about her childhood and how from a young age she was shamed about her body and encouraged to diet. Aubrey and I have different childhood stories but one thing we share is swimming. I was on a swim team as a child, just like Aubrey. I was one of the bigger girls, just like Aubrey. I was one of the only kids who could do butterfly, just like Aubrey. Her description of swimming the hardest stroke in swimming took me right back to the pool. She talks about how because of her size she was able to easily propel herself through the water and maintain that momentum.
In the moment of listening to this part of the book I broke down. I could see little me, swim cap, goggles, chubby legs, so excited about swimming. And then high school me, swim cap, goggles, chubby legs, so embarrassed about her body. Wishing to be thinner. Ashamed that she had the largest sized swimsuit. I wish I could go back and tell her that her body was an asset not a hindrance.
I cried most of the drive home. When I got back to my house, I greeted Thomas and then sequestered myself in our guest bedroom, writing for the rest of the night. All of the feelings poured out. I was so mad at myself. How could I have treated myself this way? Why did I waste so much time trying to change myself?
I scheduled an appointment with my therapist for the next day. When I talked to her about my anger she told me to not be angry at myself but to be angry at diet culture. Past me was only operating with limited information. She didn’t know better. She was just doing her best. I scheduled a second appointment for that week. It’s probably one of the most emotional weeks I've ever experienced, but I am so thankful for it.
Fast forward to today. I am so thankful for my therapist and for Aubrey Gordon and for many other fat activists and influencers who have help fuel the fire. This has not be an easy or straightforward journey. There are days when I feel beautiful and confident in my body and days when I wish my body was different. There are days when movement is joyful and days when I feel guilty for not exercising. My relationship with food is totally different, but sometimes I wonder if people judge me for my food choices. I had to grieve the loss of time, money, and energy spent on dieting. And I had to grieve for my past self, but if I hadn’t done that there wouldn’t be room for the person I am now.
Some recommendations:
If you are questioning diet culture but don’t know where to start I highly recommend checking out the things below.
What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon
"You Just Need to Lose Weight": And 19 Other Myths About Fat People by Aubrey Gordon
The Maintenance Phase Podcast hosted by Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbs
I love this podcast. I listen to it when I go on longer drives and it feels like Aubrey and Michael are my best friends hanging out in the car with me. They cover everything from fad diets to BMI to wellness trends to Ozempic and so much more. They are so intelligent and hilarious.
Your Fat Friend a film by Jeanie Finlay
“Acclaimed director Jeanie Finlay charts the rise of Aubrey Gordon. Shot over six years we see Aubrey go from Anonymous blogger YrFatFriend to NY Times best seller and beloved podcaster with an audience of millions.
Her aim? A paradigm shift in the way that we view fat people and the fat on our own bodies. The world may be listening but her family have a way to go in understanding her work.
A film about fatness, family, the complexities of change and the messy feelings we hold about our bodies.”